Brrr!

Holy heck, it's flippin' COLD!

Our weather has been possessed by the devil, who, despite his generally perceived love for heat, has turned Florida into a chillchest way too many times this winter. Some years we do not freeze. We may dip into the 30s for a few nights, but no actual freeze. Not this year, oh no! The low at my house was 27, and 30 last night. As my mother would have said, it is "colder than a witch's tit."

If by chance any Far North ladies are reading this, I know they're laughing their heinies off right now. Heck, even Georgia ladies are rolling their eyes. I know, I know, I know. I'm a wuss! But hear me out: I am 28 years old, and have never seen snow. I don't do cold.

Though I have family in Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Missouri, I've never visited during wintertime. Once the frost starts settling on the pumpkins, I keep myself well south of the Mason-Dixon line. For a while I was very anxious to experience snow, but now I'm not so sure. Now it has become a game of seeing just how long I go before she sees the white stuff.

And so, as someone who knows nothing of cold weather, these brief dips into the 20s leave me in quite a state. For example, I have no earthly idea what I'm really supposed to do to get the ice off my windshield. This morning, I decided to dump a cup of tap water on my windshield, figuring the lukewarm water would melt the ice. Well, it did....but re-froze by the time I came back out from the garage, making things twice as bad. (I guess I should mention my defroster does not work). And let's not even talk about my clothes! Ugh! If I lived where cold weather was a given, I'd be prepared with cute coats and scarves. As it is, I just throw on various mismatched layers in order to keep warm. The result? A vaguely homeless look.

For now, I think I will go make a mug of hot jasmine tea and continue my thawing out process. This weather is for the birds! (Speaking of which, I did see dozens of robins this morning, that made my day!)