Monday, March 16, 2009

Future Mommy Musings....

A friend of ours just announced she's expecting. That's sort of the cherry on the top of all the 'mommy thoughts' I've been having the last month or 6, which has prompted this latest babbling entry.

One of my most constant worries is what kind of mother I'll be. With my love for all things domestic, people are always telling me what a great mom I'll be. After seeing my basketball cake for Hubby, my sister went crazy talking about how fantastic my kid's birthday parties will one day be. And while that is reassuring, I am still in fear that something I do will scar my children for life.

Especially daughters. What if I slip and tell her I'm awful at math? I want to raise a daughter who isn't afraid of math and science. I am very passionate about the idea of raising a daughter with the "Riviving Ophelia" mentality. Girls can do anything! Don't bow to peer pressure! You are beautiful and perfect as God made you, don't let your peers/boys/the media make you think otherwise! I question how that message will mesh with my prissiness in their minds. I want my hypothetical daughter to know it's "ok" to be a woman. Women can be beautiful and brilliant. I think I am a very well rounded person--I love girly things and being pretty, but I also know I'm smart and talented otherwise and know what really matters. And just because I love girly stuff does not mean I am pigeonholed. I just hope I can "lead by example" and show my daughter (or son!) to be yourself. I don't think anything can overshadow that desire in me.

I think my mom was awesome overall. There are a few things I think I'll do differently (some makeup before age 16 will be allowed in my household) but most of what she did made good sense. Mom was always our biggest cheerleader; she always made us believe we could do anything. She was as sweet and lovey as you could ever want, but at the same time she did not put up with crap. And I think if I follow that line of thought, I'll do ok. Putting up with nonsense and catering to children creates all sorts of demons that I do not want. I firmly believe that the majority of problem behaviors are facilitated by parents.

I also worry about how they'll be raised. Our household relies on 2 incomes, unfortunately. Daycare of some sort seems inevitable, and that breaks my heart. My mom stayed home with my sister and me, so that's what I know and see as "correct". Before I met Hubby, I told myself that if I can't be a SAHM and do the job myself, I do not want kids to be left to others to essentially raise. Of course, that was before I fell in love with a schoolteacher/coach. I'm still struggling with coming to terms with "daycare". The guilt begins before they're even conceived!

I just feel like Hubby and I have so much to do as "husband and wife" before we become "mom and dad". My sister and her DH were a couple for 7+ years before they married. They've been on a jillion vacations together and had so many fun experiences---LA 2x, Dallas, NOLA, Vegas, NYC 3x, Atlanta, Miami, cruises, the Bahamas, etc. Hubby and I---we'll only be celebrating our 2 year dating anniversary in late June! We're trying to cram all that in now, before we get too old (I'm on 1 side of 30, he's on the other).

Ugh. *Sigh* Right now, all I want to do is go home and take my contacts out, pour a glass of wine to sip on, and paint my nails green for St. Paddy's day. In fact, is it Friday yet?

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